Textbook Buyback Lotto

It's that time of year again on USI's campus. It's damp and dreary, everyone keeps their head down when walking to class, and they're all secretly panicking about that one final where the professor hates them and the subject matter is incomprehensible but it's required for their major so they're pretty much screwed. But soft! There is a bright side to these dark days, and it is called "Textbook buyback."

I've always enjoyed textbook buyback. I feel like I've won the lottery. You know, the kind of lottery where the cost of the tickets is six times your actual winnings. Oh wait, that kind of is like the real lottery, isn't it? And it's even more like the lottery because half the time, your god damned books aren't buy-backable because they're changing the text for next term (which they do just to aggravate you. Personally).

Having had a rather poor and constantly-driving semester, I was very happy to see a surprise $97 enter my hands on Tuesday. Technically I'm not finished with these courses, but damn it, I was hungry. I felt rather happy about that amount of money, because I've got it in my head after two straight terms of humanities a few years ago that I won't get more than half a dollar back for any given book, and that's if I'm lucky. If I'm not, the trash bin will be receiving a special gift for Christmas this year - it's that psychology text you've always wanted! What, you have three already? Well, you can never have too many, you ungrateful inanimate object! What? You got me a half-drunk, melted chocolate shake? Great. It's vouchers to Rural King for you next year.

I think the end of fall term is better for textbook buyback than end of spring term, partly because it's very rare to have a department completely change texts in the middle of the year. I have a theory that I just made up right now that while we're all getting drunk and flashing our bodies at some creepy thirtysomething who's made a living off of filming coeds flashing their bodies at him on spring break, the department heads stick around and decide just how many of their current texts they're going to say, "Screw it!" to. They may do this out of jealousy, or they may do this as a chemical reaction to red horns sprouting from their temples every spring, but I haven't established a control group or done the appropriate level of testing to say for certain, mainly because I suck at that.

I didn't bother selling back one of my texts because I had it in my head that first week, right after my professor said, "We aren't going to be using it, since you all used it in the prerequisite class to this," I would immediately ask for a refund. Naturally, I had better things to do like sleeping and playing Halo. That leaves me in the situation of having a perfectly shrink-wrapped textbook with the software code unactivated, and now I won't get the full price I paid for it, despite it being a) in mint condition, b) never removed from box, and c) the kind with the firing rocket that blinded a kid so they discontinued it the first week.

I suppose the bright side is we get money back at all. It won't be enough to buy gifts for all our friends, but after they spawn camped you last week, do they really deserve anything other than a dog turd? I didn't think so.

Use a real instrument, you twit

Can we officially call the contest in favour of Rock Band please?

I found out about Guitar Hero in 2005 when I worked at Best Buy and we had a demo set up. Be honest, I found out about it when one of my under-18 co-workers spent the better part of a day he had off playing the stupid thing. I never quite understood why you would want to fake-play a guitar, unless you didn't have access to a guitar at the moment. I mean, the equipment plus game was about as much as a low-grade electric guitar.

Then they made sequels, and along with the sequels came competition in the form of Rock Band. This was clearly distinct as it wasn't just fake guitar playing, it was fake drumming (although with the advent of synth drums in the 1980s I'm not sure it's THAT fake) and singing. I for one thought this was a bad idea, because I'm an awful singer, my wife is an excellent singer, and I have absolutely no idea if any of my friends can sing worth an arse, but just in case I don't want to find out - primarily because I know just HOW bad my singing is. It is fit for nought but death metal in the car, alone.

But okay, you know? I had friends who did play the game, and they enjoyed it, so what harm would it really do? So what if it was a Playstation version of karaoke plus air guitar plus ... synth drums? They even (both, I think) did actual-guitar-based controllers - Les Pauls, Gibson SGs, stuff like that. That's when they started spinning off. They had band-centric versions of the games. Guitar Hero had Metallica version (which was sort of obvious when one thinks about it). Rock Band managed to get the Beatles, which I think is immensely good for them. Guitar Hero had Aerosmith, and will have Van Halen.

Then Guitar Hero took a massive shit on what little semi-credibility they might have had and did "Band Hero", what is clearly "similar but legally distinct" even though plenty of people could easily confuse them. Not only that, but they brought in Taylor Swift, famous for being 18 and blonde and interrupted by Kanye West. Really, I would have been happy to die without hearing that fucking song. Sadly, having had it on the muzak at work, that wasn't going to happen anyway.

So what's next, Guitar Hero? Avant-garde Hero? I'd like to see that - let me rock out on some video game controller sleigh bells to an indie pop-rock song. I want to play the shit out of a Wii tambourine to some Polyphonic Spree. Where is our harp-shaped controller, Guitar Hero?! Give me a xylophone, cello, or tuba, except, you know, for the 360. Or maybe instruments is thinking about it the wrong way. Give me Jazz Hero! You blow into your controller and improv, and whoever does the best gets the most Live points.

I suppose as someone who spent actual time and effort learning to play an actual instrument, I find it stupid to spend all that time playing a fake version of the instrument. I could be partly jealous because every time I've tried to play guitar hero, I've played the actual notes instead of "what the computer tells me to play," thus greatly fucking up the song. But I don't think that's it, because I've only tried to play twice, and I really don't see the point. I mean, I don't have to play Guitar Hero! I can play these songs for real!

Even the Taylor Swift song - it consists of smearing fæces all over the guitar, amp, and nearest power plug.

Milk (or: goddammit I need to write more)

I saw Milk in class the other week. My immediate reaction was, “So that's Milk.”

Unfortunately, that sort of thing makes for terrible, droll reading, so I got to thinking about it more. My next thought was about some of the things the Christian Conservatives® said for why they were anti-gay and why gays shouldn't be allowed to do, well, anything. One of the most wonderful reasons in my view was given by a man who I don't remember much about, apart from what he said. What he said was this.

“You can argue with me, but you can't argue with God.”

That's got to be one of my favourite reasons for a political position. I hope someone uses that in my favour someday. But the thing is, it absolutely is true for me. Seeing as I don't believe in any gods, I couldn't argue with such a thing. I mean, I can't argue with something that I don't believe exists, the very idea of doing so falls over as soon as I try. He was right on that point at the very least: I cannot by any means argue with his god.

There's another bit with a woman who is actually featured a bit more heavily (read: not very heavily but she talks a lot on telly in what I think is stock footage), saying many of the same things, “Christian heritage”, “upstanding morals”, “gays are bad”, and other stupid crap. It's always based on her religion, and the funny thing is, never anyone else's. It's not like Christianity is the only religion in the world that has a problem with homosexuality. One might think these people could all get together and hate on gays as one. Perhaps luckily, they're too busy hating each other as well as gays. But that's another topic.

Anyway, The problem with these religious arguments is, they're Constitutionally untenable, or as I prefer to think of them, “complete and utter crap.” There is the whole “establishment clause” in the First Amendment that sort of prevents such reasoning behind laws. Or so I thought, then I met the Christian Conservatives® (it really is like a brand name, isn't it?).

The reason I hit on those particular moments, or rather they stuck so soundly in my brain, is that I've been hearing this sort of thing since I can remember. It doesn't help of course that I spent thirteen years at Catholic schools, which only meant I heard even more of it. I heard these asinine arguments so much that I could refute them in my sleep – not that it helped, being, I say again, a Catholic school. But what I learnt from Milk is that the Christian Conservatives® have made absolutely no new arguments in the past 30-40 years.

I learnt if I'm going to be opposing them on this issue (and I shall), I'm going to have to settle in for a lot of repetition.

A terrible case of burying the lede

I visited the US House yesterday. It was ... okay. I think I would've been more interested if they had been in session and it hadn't been the last day before a three-day weekend. Regardless, it had interesting moments.

I learnt that the crypt underneath the rotunda is empty because the Washingtons did not want the bodies of George and Martha to be dug up and reburied in the District, especially not 25 years after they died. I also learnt that the Supreme Court used to meet for many many years in the US Capitol. And I learnt that Congressman Robert B Aderholt (R-AL) is one of those people who never attended or paid attention to university-level American History courses.

He was the only one still present at Friday, 11 a.m., and was talking to what looked like a first-grade class of some sort. One of the teachers asked about "In God We Trust" on the money (it is carved above the Speaker's podium as well in the House). The Congressman went on this long, rambling talk about how it's on the money, no plans to take it off, there was one of the dollar coins with it on the rim, they moved it to the front (missing the fact that the valuable versions of those coins are MISSING the "In God We Trust" due to a minting error on the day), and then said something about how about 95 per cent of the founding fathers were devout Christians.

Anyone who's even HEARD of Thomas Jefferson knows he was nothing of the sort. I direct anyone who needs evidence to any of his writings on the subject, the fact that he has a version of The Bible without all the Super-Jesus parts, i.e., with all the instances of superpowers removed. John Adams was raised in Christianity but later in life had more of a neutral view of religion. He even rejected his father's request for him to become a minister because he thought being an attorney was more noble. James Madison wrote in 1792 that there was no specific religious sanction for American Government. Thomas Paine wrote (biased source notwithstanding)

The case, my friend is, that the world has been over-run with fable and creeds of human invention, with sectaries of whole nations against all other nations, and sectaries of those sectaries in each of them against each other. Every sectary, except the Quakers, has been a persecutor. Those who fled from persecution persecuted in their turn, and it is this confusion of creeds that has filled the world with persecution and deluged it with blood.

The amount of ignorance involved when people speak of the US founding fathers is staggering, albeit not necessarily exclusive to them. I have heard many times the quote of Albert Einstein, "God does not play dice with the universe," which is a paraphrase anyway, used as "evidence" (for instances of evidence consisting entirely of quote-mining) of Einstein's belief in a god, or as he was fond of saying, "The old one." In fact, upon being asked directly by Rabbi Herbert S Goldstein of New York, he replied, "I believe in Spinoza's God, Who reveals Himself in the lawful harmony of the world, not in a God Who concerns Himself with the fate and the doings of mankind." He also said, "To take those fools in clerical garb seriously is to show them too much honor." So while he may have believed in some sort of god (which I dispute on the grounds that "pantheism" is a sort of middle ground so as not to say "I'm an atheist" whilst still expressing wonder at the natural world), he certainly had no love for organised religion.

Maybe I'm rare in this, but I'm not terribly fond of misquoting, misinformation, or selective quotations. I am a fan of context, and if someone says something ambiguous, asking another question or doing more research is warranted. I really abhor when people ignore things that don't agree with their already-held beliefs or pet theories. Not to say I'm innocent of it myself (to say nothing of rationalisation) but I am aware of it and try to find reality. I certainly don't stand up in front of small children and tell them known lies.

An open letter to ESPN's editorial department

Dear ESPN: All I ask is a little perspective.

On the front page of your MLB website, you have a photo of the Yankees jumping onto each other with the caption, "Their long, long title drought will soon be over. Why the New York Yankees are about to win their first World Series in almost a decade." Long, long title drought, eh? So long that it requires italics? Well, okay. Being from the Midwest originally I'm certainly familiar with long title droughts for my sport teams, but for the Yankees? Perhaps we can take a look at the record, yes?

Okay, the last time they won a World Series was 2000 according to Wikipedia (yes, I know, but it's quick and easy). Before that, they won in 1999, 1998, and 1996. Before that of course, the last time they won a World Championship was in 1978. Now THAT is a long, long title drought. Actually, no ... no it isn't. I take it back. That's an extended title drought, but not even a single un-italicised "long" one. If we take a look at other teams, I'm sure we'll find horribly longer ones, worthy of the italics and repetition.

To start with, let's visit Chicago's North Side. The Chicago Cubs have not won a World Series since 1908 - that's 101 years. THAT, I daresay, is a long, long, long Series Drought. It's so long it's become infamous. The Cubs are still a very good baseball team, but they never seem to get past the playoffs. In fact, the last time they even PARTICIPATED in a World Series was 1945. Their losing streak is such a part of baseball that "Maybe Next Year" is the Cubs Fan's unofficial slogan.

Another team with a super-long Series Drought is the Boston Red Sox. Dubbed the "Curse of the Bambino," the Sox had not won a series since before the trad e of Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees in 1919 (the actual win was in 1918, throwing a bit of confusion onto the nomenclature, but anyway). The first time in 86 years they won a Series was in 2004 after they came from an 0-3 record in their playoff series against the Yankees to win, and then sweep the St Louis Cardinals.

Speaking of the Cardinals, before their most recent win in 2006 over the Detroit Tigers, they had not won a Series since 1982, a 24-year streak. Other teams with even longer failures to attain World Series trophies include the Cleveland Indians, San Francisco(New York) Giants, Pittsburgh Pirates, Baltimore Orioles, and Detroit Tigers.

Some other teams in Major League Baseball have never won a World Series in their entire existences. These include the San Diego Padres, Colorado Rockies, Houston Astros, Milwaukee Brewers, Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays, Texas Rangers, Washington Nationals/Montreal Expos, and Seattle Mariners. Of those, only the Rangers, Nationals/Expos and Mariners have never even participated in a World Series.

So, dearest ESPN, if you would kindly do those of us who hate or don't give a shit about the Yankees the courtesy of cutting back on the hyperbole, we would much appreciate it. We do, after all, make up most of your viewing audience outside of New York and New Jersey. I expect to see reports of the Red Sox breaking their one-year losing streak, or even the Florida Marlins breaking their five-year streak, any time now.

Well, except for the thing about the Marlins, since they're not playing post-season.

Signed,

One of the 250m people who doesn't live in the New York area and is therefore sick of hearing about New York sports teams.

Guns are for dickheads

In various places (read: the intertubes) I have seen rhetoric in favour of gun ownership or the 2nd amendment. I've thought about it quite a bit, honestly, and I really hate guns and the 2nd amendment.

Last fall in a political science class, a classmate of mine said then-Senator Obama was anti-2nd amendment, but that position doesn't make sense, because "How can you be against the constitution?" Well, I'm against that particular part of the constitution, because it is woefully outdated. Let's look at the text, first off.

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Sounds good of course, until you remember that the State's official Armed Forces have more powerful weaponry than any mere mortal can acquire legally or illegally. Short answer, if the government becomes tyrannical, and it becomes a citizen's duty to overthrow it, we're fucked. I'm not saying we should ALLOW that, but the fact is the military could make mincemeat of any uprising.

Another reason I'm against the 2nd amendment is that it lets people carry around a metal stick that makes it easier to kill people. Now there may be laws that prevent average Joe the Plumber (ba dum tiss!) actually walking around armed, but simply owning said metal stick that makes it easier to kill people is largely equivalent to carrying it around. Simply put, owning it means one can go home, get it, and return in much shorter time than buying a gun takes.

But Matt, I hear you say (silently), you own swords, which are quite literally metal sticks that make it easier to kill someone! And every kitchen has knives, which are the same! Indeed, I own swords, and that is an accurate way to describe them. Frankly though if I want to kill someone with one of my swords or a knife of any sort, I must get really close to them ... say within arm's reach. And if I'm within arm's reach they can defend themselves. If I were to use a gun I could do so from across a field and they have no way of self-defence against it let alone necessarily know about it before their head explodes, thus it's not "just as easy". But enough with that straw man.

I know some people prefer guns for home defence. Frankly, that's one of the few reasons that would qualify as good. But my parents don't own guns apart from two deactivated civil war firearms which are little more than heavy-ass heirlooms. I don't own guns, and don't really have any desire to. Frankly, I'm afraid of guns. That's not entirely accurate - I'm afraid of people. I'm afraid of people normally, but give them something that makes it easy to kill me makes me more afraid of them. I'm afraid of police for that reason too. I once had to help a police officer at work, and he was very much still armed. I have never felt more uncomfortable. This is how guns make me feel. They make me feel AFRAID.

Let me make something clear: I don't think guns make people act completely crazy. However the kind of people who have some desire to own a metal stick with a handle that launches metal projectiles through the air at sonic force to penetrate other people's skin in an effort to end their lives are at least a little crazy anyway. I own knives for food preparation and I own swords for aesthetic purposes - I think they look good mounted on walls (which means I won't likely have them unsheathed, much less easy to grab and slash with). I sincerely doubt anyone would break into my apartment - I live in a shitty apartment, shitty block, and have little of value to steal. People breaking into homes to cause violence to those who live there is extraordinarily rare unless it's done by an intimate - like most crimes, someone you know is far more likely to do it to you. I don't fear my neighbours any more than I fear the average person. ed: I have moved since I originally wrote this, and my neighbours are super old and frail. I am even less afraid of them now. If I knew they carried a gun around, I WOULD fear them a lot more.

I keep seeing people on facebook or on various places online talking about how "if the gummint takes away yer guns then who'll defend yer famlee?" One facebook friend cited New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina as an example - apparently the "gummint" took away people's guns and they had nothing to defend themselves as they were killed and raped. Unfortunately I can't find any sources that aren't the NRA, gun owner sites, or "angry man" websites with pro-gun leanings - that is to say no legitimate sources. The fact is, though, if the "gummint" decides to turn fascist and kill or imprison people for no reason, there is nothing anyone, armed or not, can do to stop it. Granted that's a piss-poor reason to go along with it but that is the damn fact. Hell, it's happened before, look at Japanese Americans in World War II.

I've never understood the desire to own, let alone carry around a lethal weapon. People who advocate for concealed-carry laws scare me even more. Why do you need to conceal it if you're so vocal about carrying it around? Why not just carry it around attached to your FOREHEAD for fuck's sake? I mean if every place was a place people could carry concealed weapons, I can't imagine any of these pro-gun people not wearing a t-shirt that said “yes I'm carrying a gun” (which come to think of it says a lot about t-shirts that announce things about the wearer as well as gun owners, but that's another entry).

Several weeks ago I heard a clip of Glenn Beck talking about how he went to see a movie with his concealed gun. He fully admitted he didn't have reason to, but he was simply exercising his right to carry a gun around in places with children and other law-abiding citizens (not including the teenagers sneaking into the R-rated film of your choice but I mean REAL laws). The fact is there's no legitimate reason he would need a gun. I don't think he lives in such a shithole that his local cinema's parking lot has frequent robberies or homicides. Within the cinema, there's probably a cop (when I worked at two different cinemas, the local police or sheriff's dept, whoever had jurisdiction, sent a guy to stand around and stop people being total assholes). Was he afraid of the violent liberals who were going to chant at him "learn to spell! learn to spell!"?

Or is he just woefully insecure and completely insane? I know he's completely insane, I'm asking more about the first one.

Joint Session drinking game/liveblog

good points so far ...

Really liked "determined to be the last president to address this".

Gallstones he didnt' know about - just eliminate the phrase "preexisting condition" from the fucking dictionary, would you?

No-one should be treated that way in the USA - fucking well right!

numbers - I like numbers, but you're going to confuse the republicans. The only numbers they understand are dollar signs, and only when preceded by "pay to the order of" and their name.

SINGLE PAYER SYSTEM - light applause. End employer based systems and let people buy it on their own: fuckall applause.

"There are arguments to be made for both these approaches" - yes, and some of the arguments are made up of bullshit and WAAAAH I DON'T WANT TO PAY TAXES WAAAAAAH which when I think about it is quintessentially American, isn't it?

"Time for bickering is over. The time for games has passed. Now is the season for action." Good lines. Back it the FUCK UP.

Three basic goals - security and stability to those with insurance - provide insurance for those without - slow the growth of health care costs for families, businesses, and govt. Middle one is the super-important one I feel, with a close second being the first.

"Nothing in this plan will require you or your employer to change the coverage or the doctor you have. REPEATED." - Will make your insurance work better for you - against the law to deny coverage due to preexisting condition FUCK YEAH BABY! and I'll settle for THAT.

Illegal to drop your coverage or water it down when you become sick - I will also take that. No caps on amount of coverage - place a limit on how much you can be charged - (make that limit seven dollars and I'll be good thx)

required to cover routine checkups, colonoscopies, mammograms, preventative care - makes sense, saves money and lives - I like the one guy who keeps sitting on nails

if you DON'T have health care now - if you lose, change your job - coverage - if you start a small busines - coverage - insurance exchange to shop at competitive prices - see, that's bullshit because there are SEVEN companies, and they need to be prohibited getting together and agreeing on "well we'll go no lower than $fuckassexpensive.32

tax credits for small businesses - all companies who want access to these people have to abide by rules - in four years - can't get insurance today - immediate low-cost coverage if you become seriously ill - props to Sen. McCain and that it was his idea in the campaign.

May be those who want to take the risk and not have coverage - may be companies who refuse to cover their workers - costs the rest of us money - individuals will be required to carry basic health insurance just as states require you to carry basic auto insurance - businesses either offer health care or chip in to the cost - most small businesses exempt from requirements - can't have people gaming the system

only works if everyone plays - significant details to be ironed out (laugh)

broad consensus for all the above (really? You sure?)

Key controversies still out there: bogus claims of death panels. "It is a lie, plain and simple." OMG THE WORD LIE HOW DARE HE CALL DEFENSELESS SARAH PALIN A LIAR WHY DOES HE HATE TRIG

insure illegal immigrants - false (although it shouldn't be) - EDIT: that guy shouted "You lie!"

no federal dollars used to fund abortions (although they should not be excluded)

publicly sponsored insurance option - guiding principle is and always has been that choice and competition allow consumers to do better (and the republicans applaud that line) - in 34 states, 75% of the market is controlled by five or fewer companies.

"Insurance executives don't do this because they're bad people" Are you SURE ABOUT THAT, BARACK OBAMA?

"No interest in putting insurance companies out of business" Why not? "I just want to hold them accountable" (oh wow, the re pube lick ans liked that too)

making a not-for-profit public option FUCK YEAH BABY!

only an option for those without insurance - less than 5% would sign up (really? hmm.)

taxpayers not subsidising this option - have to be self-sufficient and rely on premiums.

Relating private v. public universities - why do private universities succeed by costing 1000 per cent more?

should not be exaggerated - it is only one part of the plan -

co-op or another non-profit entity - there MUST. BE. A. CHOICE.

not sign a plan that adds to our deficit - fair enough, but pull us out of the middle east first to ease that option - spending cuts if the savings don't materialise - too many initiatives were unpaid for - tax breaks for rich and iraq war included - cut to stock shot of republicans sitting there with hats on that say "I'm a dickhole"

speaking directly to seniors - SPEAK UP!

not a dollar of Medicare will be used to pay for this plan - the only thing this plan eliminates is the $100bns to pad profits but don't improve care - doctors, medical experts identifying waste and cutting its throat over the fire

help pay for Rx drugs for olds - reducing inefficiency in medicare, medicaid will pay for MOST OF THIS PLAN

finally (finally!) - reps have long insisted on readjusting medical malpractice laws (because it helps the rich doctors stop being less rich doctors) - people booing and I'm not sure why? Awaiting "Grow up, fuckos" from POTUS

put patient safety first, let doctors focus on practising medicine - HHS Sibelius is moving forward on this today. Well not today because it's fucking 9 p.m. Tomorrow. Well, it's thursday ... next monday.

will cost less than both wars, less than the tax cuts on the rich. Suck it. Most of these costs will be paid for by money that is already in the existing health care system - greater security, not higher taxes - if we can slow the cost growth by 1/10 % per year - reduce the deficit by $4trn

serious set of proposals, I will listen - will not waste time with those who want to kill this shit for POLITICS. And you fucking should not, sir!

STatus quo is not the solution - if we keep it the same, everything will go into a pile of shit and Newt Gingrich will bathe in it

Reading of Ted Kennedy's letter - what we face is above all a moral issue - fundamental principles of social(IST) justice and the character of our country.

healthy scepticism of gov't - Kennedy's liberalism was a passion for big gov't - those who knew him (dems?) knew what drove him was something more - Orrin Hatch knows that! McCain knows that! McCain looks like an actual zombie btw. Chuck "I'm No Nail" Grassley knows that!

Hard work and responsibility should be rewarded by security and fair play - sometimes government has to help that shit along, yo

History lesson on Medicare now - John Kerry is twitchy and has RLS.

"Sceptical that Gov't is looking out for them" Why shouldn't they be, if you stay alive, you can pay more taxes to the gov't! Cyclical!

And it ... is ... over!

Nothign interesting in the rebuttal. I was editing because I'm DONE.

Back in time

For the past three days, Terre Haute's fairgrounds have been host to a "Diesel Extravaganza". As it turns out, this consists of assholes with giant trucks accelerating hard all over town, primarily on Hwy 41 of course, and blowing black smoke out of their oversized tailpipes. Now these are not ordinary diesel fuel vehicles, they are modified to have big stovepipe-style exhaust pipes. They are also apparently never maintained or cleaned, so that I am not even kidding a little when I say big fucking cloud of black smoke.

I honestly cannot remember seeing this much black smoke covering the roadways in front of me since I was a kid. That's not specific enough though, I can't remember any vehicles spewing this many toxins into my face since I was in grade school. This, for those who don't know, was in the early nineties. When you combine this with the fact that Terre Haute has very few wi-fi hotspots, people who dress like they're waiting for the new single from Third Eye Blind to come out, and people who actually chew tobacco, I cannot believe I'm still in 2009. I'm almost certain I'm stuck back in time.

News flash, Kurt Cobain just shot himself! Well, we think he did, but his wife might have done it! Pearl Jam have announced they aren't making any more music videos! What will MTV do to fill the airtime? Babylon 5 just started their 3rd season, and it's getting more intense by the second! Star Trek Voyager is slated to begin production later this month. Apparently the captain is going to be *gasp* a woman!

Ugh, I can barely even make fun of this stuff without it causing me pain. I can't believe, with gas (and diesel) prices being what they are (and what they were this time last year), there are still people with big giant smoke-billowing gas-guzzling do-it-yourself monster trucks driving up the road. These people either have far too much disposable income or don't know how to properly spend the income they do have, like on education and dental work for their kids. I'm not the only one who feels this way, too. I've seen many other drivers waving the smoke out of their faces and coughing as these dickless jokers speed off to the next filling station. Those are probably the only people really happy about this event: gas station owners who sell diesel. It's gotta be like Black Friday for them ... although that doesn't necessarily refer to the ink used to write their sales, more to the colour of everything near a road.

In which a geek is relocated

As usual, it's been a long time since I last updated this. Two weeks ago Liz was offered a store manager position for nearly double her assistant manager yearly wages. Only problem was, we would have to move to Terre Haute.

Now it isn't THAT bad, okay? We have a bigger, nicer apartment on the 2nd floor, keyless entry (yes, keyless entry - a keypad on the door locks and unlocks it), a short drive to our respective works, a shorter drive for me back to Evansville for school, and between one to one and a half hours to Indianapolis, where such things as Skyline Chili and Apple are located. Plus there's the whole "Extra money" thing. That's good.

After we found a place to live and determined that I would still have to go to school in Evansville, my dad decided since he wouldn't have access to the truck on weekends, to trade it in for the Cash for Clunkers programme. This is how I now drive a new Hyundai Accent. It doesn't have a radio, but I listened to my computer on the way up and throughout town I don't need it that badly. Apparently I can fuel the car with $20 and change. I put in a $20 yesterday from below a quarter of a tank and it showed "full" afterward.

Living on Eastern time is something that takes a little getting used to. I like it better because the sun rises and sets at comparable times to Britain. Despite this, my dad calls it "Indiana Pretend Time, where they pretend they're in Eastern Time." This joke wasn't as funny as he thought the first time, and the funny value has only depreciated with time.

The process of moving sucks. It's been two years since I last moved, and before that it was a couple months, then nine months, then something like a year except I helped two friends move in between that, then once from overseas, once to overseas, once the fortnight before moving overseas to move across town ... man, fuck moving. I'm not entirely sure why I can't just get all new shit. The only real problem in moving is the giant chest of drawers, which weighs approximately 2.07 John Goodmans. It also has edges that, when I pulled it up the stairs, pressed very hard into my forearm muscles, causing matching bruises that are still there two full days later. I'm going to try my hardest to just push the motherfucker out the window when next we move.

Something that I'm FAIRLY sure happens in Terre Haute but not Evansville: people with big-ass trailers, I mean trailers longer than their primary vehicle, towed behind their truck/car/motorbike starting through the intersection around the time the light changes from yellow to red. Something tells me, Mr JB Hunt lorry driver, that you are not going to make it all the way through, especially since traffic is backed up so much because of that stopped car and the three cop cars required to assist that stopped car.

We still haven't got internet yet, which means I'm doing a lot of driving from wifi hotspot to wifi hotspot. Once or twice I sat around at ISU's library, but they block chat clients, which is inconvenient. There's a Panera Bread just about a mile and a half from the apartment which works in a pinch. Just north of I-70, meaning a quarter mile from the mall, there is a Starbucks that sits just within range of the Drury Inn opposite it on Hwy 41. The problem with this location is the difficulty involved in getting out of the place through the 41/70 intersection traffic (which is only made worse by all the shopping within half a mile of the intersection).

With a quick bit of google mapping, I found a local coffee shop called Coffee Grounds, which somehow manages to sell its stuff cheaper than most coffee shops I've ever been to. It's a really nice place - semi-industrial brick walls with writing on them, a mural on one section of the wall, tables with messages and names carved in, and four drink sizes - regular, tall, grande, and enorme. Much like at Starfucks, I stick with saying "large."

Once again, I'm hoping to start using this space more. It's not like I haven't had the time, I'm just a lazy cunt.

Geek Homework

This is directly from a "geek bio" thing I was asked to do for Inner Geeks.

My name is Lestack and I'm an alcoh- I mean, I'm a geek.

My geekiness began as a child when I learned all I could about the solar system. At that age, I wanted to be an astronaut. Naturally, my talents with maths prevented me becoming an astronaut as an adult. Also my abhorrence for military service, authority, and general lack of interest in learning an entire new language. This interest in all things geeky emerged when I learnt of sci-fi stories of time travel. I was introduced by the Academy Award-nominated film trilogy Back to the Future. To be fair I was introduced to the series via Universal Studios' Back to the Future: The Ride in Orlando. From there it was a short jump to Star Trek IV: The One With The Time Travel And Whales. The next year I saw the Star Wars trilogy on USA network on Christmas Day. For the younger readers, you must understand, many years hence, they used to play other movies on Christmas Day than just A Christmas Story for 24 bloody hours straight. After the new movies came out, or rather after Episode I came out, I fell off the Star Wars wagon, though never quite the whole science fiction wagon. I picked the habit back up one summer when I was bored to bloody tears and had a library membership. I read all the Star Wars books beginning with the Han Solo novels from before the original movie all the way to the New Jedi Order, which at that point had just grown the beard. Off and on I would become interested in other sci-fi franchises. I read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy shortly after the death of Douglas Adams, The Colour of Magic on the recommendation of a friend, and The Lord of the Rings because the movies had come out (I'm glad I read them, but I watch the films a lot more). I also picked up the Harry Potter series after having seen the first two films and been greatly impressed with them.

I truly began to branch out from franchise sci-fi when I picked up Matthew Woodring Stover's Heroes Die based on my love of his Star Wars novel Traitor. Stover's writing is a darker territory than anything I'd read before, but it seemed to fit with my interests perfectly. I read his other books when I got a chance, and after the release of Revenge of the Sith (the novelisation was written by Stover), I picked up the Republic Commando novels by Karen Traviss. After enjoying the hell out of them, I picked up her original-universe novels, the Wess'har Wars series. Upon discovering she was writing a tie-in novel for the video game franchise Gears of War, I bought that book having never played a second of the game. To date, I own all the novels written by Karen Traviss, Matthew Stover, Douglas Adams and JK Rowling.

Currently, I am reading the Dune prequels by Brian Herbert and Kevin J Anderson after having completed the audiobook to Dune and met Kevin J Anderson last fall. Attentive buggers may have noticed I lean heavily towards book-format sci-fi, but I am also a fan of Buffy, Angel (some of the series), Firefly, Dollhouse, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, the first series of Heroes, Torchwood, X-files, Red Dwarf, Cowboy Bebop, X-men, V for Vendetta, Shaun of the Dead, Watchmen, Neil Gaiman, Robert A Heinlein, World War Z, and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (the first two movies as well). Pay attention, because there will be a quiz.

Outside of geeky things, I am a journalism major, I work at a clothing shop in the mall which shall remain nameless to protect my own ass, I am a major anglophile who wants to live in Boston on the grounds that I don't need a visa, and I use Mac products exclusively. Oh wait, that one was geeky.

Within Inner Geeks, I am the geek liason – I contact the members regarding their contact info and notify them about events and meetings. I also send out spam-porn emails on occasion, but usually only after I've been drinking a lot.

So the wedding stream didn't work. I don't really wanna hear about it :p

Anyway, I'm posting this because R K Milholland said it was okay, and I think it is AWESOME.

Watch the wedding stream

It's the day of my wedding, and I have none of this "nervousness" or "Cold feet" crap people keep asking me about.

Maybe it's because I love my wife-to-be, maybe I just go through with something when I decide to (although if that were true, I'd be out of school already goddammit). But the only thing I'm anxious about is spending any more time with Liz's family. They're leaving after dinner tonight, so it won't be a LOT of time, but last night was fucking too much. There was some sort of attention-whorish drama last night, although I haven't the slightest fucking clue what it was about. I don't really care, all I know is I was sitting in the car for an hour waiting for Liz to finally come outside.

She doesn't need this right now. Hell, she doesn't need this right ever. I used to not understand how someone can kill a family member or an intimate, but after meeting her family, I fucking get it. There are no shortage of lakes and ditches to dump bodies in throughout this great (ha!) state, and even if I got caught, I'm not terribly sure I would be convicted of anything, because these people are god damn awful. Liz has requested me to not kill anyone though, which has put significant dampers on my plans for galactic domination, but I'm respecting her wishes.

I could really do without the self-important attention-seeking childish behaviour from people older than I am, though. Adam, the minister, said we might need somebody on crowd control to keep people out of the way of where we're walking in. I suggested they have nerf guns or water guns full of paint. From there, Rose suggested paintball guns, which I vetoed on the grounds of cost. One of the groomsmen is a Tae Kwan Do instructor though, so hopefully he can pull double duty beating the shit out of stupid people and ... well, standing around. His girlfriend, however, is an MMA student and could probably do a bit of damage. Maybe Cindy can whoop ass.

Watch the action at http://tinyurl.com/wolberwedding - starts at 2 p.m. Eastern time.

There is absolutely no reason for people to speak with accents that make words unintelligible.

Seriously, we're ten years into the 21st century, and I got bitched out at my dad's workplace because a fat stupid redneck rent-a-cop managed to say "Wait here a minute" in a way that made it sound like "Go on ahead". I can't even FATHOM what kind of accent that is that changes the entire meanings of words. The simple answer is he's a lying piece of shit who should've been an abortion, but I can only work with the facts as I know them.

With the amount of television we have, and the amount that radio is gentrified so that all DJs sound like they just did a line of coke during the last commercial, I can't imagine how people can swallow words and sound like Larry the Cable Guy. Certainly there's a remaining minority of people who claim that's "heritage", "culture", and "not raping your ears", but one would think they would at least accidentally speak like a human once in a while.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-accent. I love accents, they're fascinating. But ones that make people unintelligible such as "Southern idiot" and "Wannabe southern idiot" and "general idiot" should have died out by now. So I challenge my readers (all eight of you) to do humanity a favour: If you know someone who sounds like an idiot when they speak, kill them in their sleep. You might find that you've been paying an enormous psychic price for their existence, and the only way to prove this is to chart your increased health upon their deaths.

Or maybe ... nah, I'm pretty sure killing the stupid isn't a bad idea.

This Star Trek will go on forever

It's official: There is a new Star Trek movie out that lives up to the hype.

Well, perhaps I should clarify: I don't remember any hype from any Star Trek movie. I remember being excited for Star Trek Generations in 1994, but in my own defence I was 9 and obsessed with Next Generation. I quickly dropped that particular obsession in time to barely notice First Contact and Insurrection. I worked in a cinema (two, actually) the year Nemesis came out, and so it became the second Trek film I saw at cinemas. I still don't know if it would have been better if I'd not been spoiled by a friend at school, but as it is, it was "okay" overall.

About two years ago I heard they were making Star Trek XI. As a subscriber to the theory that all odd-numbered Trek films are crap, I thought "ugh". When I saw the first teaser trailer, the one with the welder on the hull of the Enterprise, I thought "hmm, I might have to give this one a chance." Once I saw casting reports, I was definitely interested and all but guaranteed to see the film. Then I saw the theatrical trailers.

Holy assballs, batman, were those trailers awesome! My only concern was "Where the fuck does Baby!Kirk get a '66 Corvette?" and "Why are they skydiving?" These concerns evaporated a half-second later when the next shot was totally awesome. Then they showed the scene where Uhura is stripping out of her cadet uniform. Upon subsequent rewatchings of this trailer I noticed something I couldn't believe I'd missed before: These people are ridiculously hot.

Okay, sure, there were some pretty people on the original series, and seriously good-looking people on Next Gen, but nobody was NEARLY as hot as New Kirk (Chris Pine), Uhura (Zoe Saldana) and the film's baddie Romulan-from-the-future Nero (Eric Bana). The closest the original series ever got to these never-unphotogenic people was when they used soft lighting on the Lieutenant that Ricardo Montalban's Khan Noonien Singh ended up taking with him and marrying in Space Seed, and that was mostly SOFT LIGHTING.

Moving on from my desire to sex every single person in the film, I have to say the film itself was immensely ballsy. It changes so many details about the Trek universe, something that Trekkies might not like if it weren't for the fact that this film is completely awesome. Kirk is not the same character (although generally the same person) that he is in the original line, or shall we say Prime Universe (as Star Trek Wiki Memory Alpha has taken to calling it). Spock is mostly the same albeit with several backstories changed. And I must allow myself one minor spoiler: Spock and Uhura are totally doin' it. Yes, I said it. Granted, we only see them making out followed by a terrible line delivered by Uhura (who finally has a first name!), but you KNOW there's some hot Pon'farr action going on ... every seven years.

As for how they get away with the changes, JJ Abrams and the writers make use of one of the oldest Trek plot devices: Time travel. Certainly the science is shaky, the continuity is wrong even accounting for the time-travelly alternate-universey wibbley-wobbley-timey-wimey (read up on Star Dates. On second thought, ignore Star Dates completely. The writers always have) but don't let that stop you from enjoying an action-packed summer blockbuster about the importance of interpersonal relationships, especially that of children with their parents. I have seen it twice, and the second time was with my parents on Mother's Day. I think we all took something away from it, and that is the ultimate success of Gene Roddenberry's vision.

boredom leads to urbandictionary, urbandictionary leads to QFM

If today is anything like what the summer will be like, I'm going to be very bored.

I'm working on classwork from home today, but since my internet connection is down I'm actually at the library. Oh, and because I'm a daft bastard I forgot my headphones. Basically, the only thing I can do is copy this audiobook to listen later and try not to kill the bastard in the nearest chair who won't stop texting.

I'm apparently worthless without internet or headphones. When the hell did that happen? What did people do before television, internet, and radio? A quick glance at history books reveals the answer: They went to war. I suppose it's not so strange an idea ... after all, it's taking me some effort to not garrote this chav in the opposite chair. I suppose if I get seriously bored, I can just give in to my anger ... only my hatred can destroy him ... whoops, sorry, started quoting Emperor Palpatine again.

Today's my day off work because I have class for seventeen thousand hours on Tuesdays, so that's what prevents me going to the mall. Also, my loathing of everything at the mall and everyone who shops there, that does play a part. I'm at the library because it's free to read, free to browse the intertubes, and free to just sit there and not do anything. Really, ask anyone using any chair there. All these things being free doesn't stop it being boring though, so I find myself looking out the window behind me, wishing today was tax day and the teabaggers were out. I'll have to come back tomorrow to watch the teabaggers.

Incidentally, I am simultaneously amused and confused by every news report I see on the teabagging protests. It boggles the mind that people can't use urbandictionary.com to find out the alternate definition of anything. For example, shoelace. The reason I chose shoelace is because I looked at my feet. A quick search on urbandictionary.com and I learn that shoelace is also a euphemism for the pattern of ... well, just search it yourselves. But don't say I didn't warn you ... I mean it is urbandictionary.com.

Half the stuff on there I'm sure somebody made up without there being precedent. After searching "Shoelace" it gave me nearby entries alphabetically, and one was "shoekakke". Upon reading the definition, along with that of "shoejob" (the act of a girl stimulating a man to orgasm with her cute shoes), I am reasonably confident that before someone typed all that shit in, nobody had done it before. Thanks to the laws of quantum fetish mechanics (the act of thinking up a strange new fetish causes it to be real) I am sure someone has done it NOW, if for no other reason than to try it out or to see if anyone they know is actually dumb enough to do this.

At least that's what I tell myself as I pour myself a scotch.

Hockey - a diatribe

I have been a hockey fan for as long as I can remember knowing about hockey. Needless to say, I have several (thousand) gripes with the sport, despite maintaining it is the best sport in the history of sport.

First off, icing. What the hell is it? I have watched many hockey matches live, a few on television, and listened to none on the radio but nobody has ever explained this to me. Like any good researcher, I looked on Wikipedia first. According to the article on the subject, icing is “when a player shoots the puck across two red lines, the opposing team's goal line being the last, and the puck remains untouched”. Now I certainly can see why this dangerous act is worthy of penalty. Oh wait, no I don't. Yes, certainly it's boring, and not something players should do as a habit, but is it worthy of completely stopping play and having a referee arm signal? Besides, I thought that was “dumping the puck”; icing just gives the idea that we're penalising people for stopping suddenly in front of each other and causing ice to spray all over each other, and this is a sport where if they don't do that, there will be a lot more injuries than just from fights.

On the subject of fights, the NHL is utter crap. My first NHL game was a St Louis Blues matchup against the New York Islanders. This was back in 1994, when the Blues had Brett Hull, and were sort of somewhat good as opposed to just nearby. Anyway, there was real excitement in the air. There were hard body checks, there were fights, there was shouting and swearing – all a beautiful experience for a nine-year-old boy who is still afraid to say “damn.” Of late though, I have been hard-pressed to see much (if any) fighting on an NHL match. If I want to watch a beautiful game, I would watch football (real football, not American football. I know it can get confusing but I refuse to call it “soccer”). I want to see some action in my hockey, not skating back and forth. Throw a punch or change the name of your sport.

Of course, I have no idea when players stopped fighting in NHL hockey, because for several years now hockey has been almost impossible to find on television. I know in 2006 there was a player lockout which probably didn't help convince any networks to air hockey, and that decision carried over a couple years, but the thing with lockouts and strikes is they don't happen every year, or even every other year. If they did, they'd just declare it a holiday week and write it into the calendar. NBC/Universal must have grown some yarbles of late by starting up NHL Sunday, airing daytime games even during NFL season. Unfortunately I can't commend them too much because NHL Sunday airs just this side of not at all. The last time I saw it was in February, and there are still games to play, therefore games to air! NBC, as well as every other network with a sport division: air some hockey already. We fans south of the snowline are starved for a real sport, and this is the only one that happens in this country between January and April.

We're here to defend wealth

I'm not sure when I decided I hated money, but I think it was around age ten. Yes, ten. I took a good hard look at the function of money in society and decided it was a middleman and therefore could be removed completely. I came up with my own simple way of acquisition of goods and job creation - everyone can go in and take what they need. Nobody steals anything because the idea is meaningless. Everybody works unless it's medically necessary to not work (that would include old age).

I'm well aware of how complicated this would be to do worldwide (because it would be necessary to implement it worldwide), however in our current system, people can go into debt and even bankruptcy before age 25. There is an entire industry based on high-interest short-term loans to people who are already living paycheque to paycheque. There is an entire second industry based on the first one that takes any and all information surrendered at the high-interest loan place and bombards the phone numbers with unsolicited text messages and phone calls at odd hours, and the email addresses with hundreds (at least) of spam messages (how spam messages make any fucking money for anyone I've yet to understand).

Money is theoretically how we determine if someone has worked hard enough to receive certain goods and services. When we throw CEOs, no-talent musicians, professional athletes, and all of Wall Street and the City into the mix, doesn't that completely bastardise that definition? I defy anyone to tell me how a stockbroker works harder than a minimum wage retail worker. I defy anyone to tell me how a professional athlete works harder than a factory worker who works twelve hours per day in dangerous and unhealthy surroundings, and then his bosses try to cut his pay to raise theirs. How the hell do Nickelback deserve all that money they make?

I won't even get started ... that's a fucking lie, I'm already started on the health insurance industry. When people get sick, the options include pay cash for treatment (usually an entirely too-large amount) or already have insurance before you even got sick. Isn't "insurance" a euphemism for "protection racket"? Anyway, the insurance doesn't even work that well because if you already have insurance, odds are it doesn't cover everything. It doesn't necessarily even cover what you need. And even if it does cover what you need, some shitbag at the company can just decide you don't really need this particular procedure. An insurance company isn't there to help its customers, it's there to take their fucking money.

Even if the insurance company DOES pay for some of your treatment, they probably won't pay for the whole thing (which makes PERFECT SENSE!). They'll pay for maybe half to three quarters of the bill, leaving you with a huge amount of money to pay them. Gods help you if you're really sick and need multiple procedures, and even more so if you're young and don't have a lot of money anyway.

Recently I've heard and seen a lot about a move towards universal health coverage. Some of this I've heard from representatives of doctors and insurance companies. The representatives of insurance companies I don't fucking trust - I'm completely certain they only want a law to make god damn sure every human in America has to buy a policy from their existing company, and they can still turn people away for procedures their doctors (you know, the people who are fucking qualified to decide if something is medically necessary) have decided is medically necessary. Frankly, I wouldn't be satisfied if that happened. I guarantee anyone with an existing medical bill will be totally screwed. The only thing I'll be actually satisfied with is full health coverage including psychological, surgical, and preventative treatment.

It worked for every other post-industrial nation in the world; I think we could pull it off.

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Now listening: Billy Bragg - No Power Without Accountability

Walking around USI's campus I find myself wishing I had a big box of sidewalk chalk. One of the primary forms of student group advertising is writing on the sidewalk with multi-coloured chalk like many of us did as kids. Today I saw a chalkvert that said "Liar, Lunatic or LORD: Is Jesus who he says he is?" The chalkvert is from the student christian group, so I think we know which answer they want us to give. Disappointing, really, because I sort of wanted one of those controversial-views speakers to talk about how Jesus was just some crazy guy and piss off half of campus.

The more usual type of chalkvert is for events, like a stand-up comic or a movie night. However, the College Dems and College Republicans also make considerable use of this medium. Last fall I saw plenty of anti-Obama stuff, but strangely little anti-McCain or anti-Palin stuff (I fully expected no anti-Biden stuff because nobody cares). Even now, the College Reps have in their ads such things as "Tired of big government spending? Tired of socialist policies? So are we" and then the time and place of their next meeting. That's a pretty ballsy statement for people affiliated with a party that DID spend huge amounts of money on an unpopular war, and even ballsier considering this is a school with easy access to things like dictionaries, encyclopædias, and possibly even actual hard copies of The Communist Manifesto, all of which could easily define socialism as "not what's going on right now". Calling this socialism is like calling pub darts a sport: some things are similar, but there are too many more differences.

The LORD be with your botty

Every few weeks, if not more often, I find myself wondering just how many crazy people exist in the world. I usually wonder this after seeing some news story about, well, crazy people. Frequent topics include public nudity and the kind of mother/40-year-old son who lives at home domestic dispute that one can expect to see on the Maury Povich Show, but one of my absolute favourite topics of crazy people news stories involves people seeing the face of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, or Mohammad in a potato crisp, slice of toast, wall, or most recently, a chair.

The French island of Reunion, located in the Indian Ocean, is the source of this latest sighting of the Lord. Someone discovered one day that the rumples in the priest's cushion resembled the Son of God too closely to be a coincidence. According to an Agence France-Presse report, thousands have come to the island to witness the miracle that originated with somebody's bum.

This brings to my mind significant questions about the Divine Nature of Christ. It would appear that the Son of Man first appeared on foods, and now has appeared on someone's seat. Literally. I have been told throughout my life that God works in mysterious ways, but this just seems silly. If God wanted to send somebody a message, why not use the classics – a burning bush worked wonders for the Israelites in Egypt, after all, and don't get me started on the ten plagues! But I don't remember the biblical tale of King Saul seeing the face of Joshua Ben Nun in a plate of hummus, proclaiming it a miracle, and ordering all to visit to take souvenir etchings. Frankly, I think this is mere coincidence. If the real God wanted to send a message to his people, I think he has a better marketing department than one that would tell him to appear in somebody's butt imprint.

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Now playing: Rob Zombie - Feel So Numb
via FoxyTunes

Bitter ilstack is bitter. Also, fuck

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Now playing: Ozzy Osbourne - I Don't Know
via FoxyTunes

To quote the great Stephen Fry, "Bah, Poo, Botty and Tit." I was enjoying the weather this evening, sitting on the "porch" behind my flat with the screen door open and the cat on a leash, letting her explore where she would. I pushed the computer chair out there and was reading Luke Skywalker and the Shadows of Mindor, when I thought I ought to get a picture of me and the cat doing this. I popped inside to look for my camera ... only to find FUCK ALL.

So I dug up a few things to look under them, opened a few things, threw a few things, checked the car, phoned USI security, Liz, and my friend Joe in Henderson, and yet no joy. Trust me with an expensive piece of equipment, I'll lose the fucking thing in three months. It was at this point I decided the only possessions I need at this time are a television, a computer, clothes, a car to get to work and school, a camera (EL OH EL FUCK ME), and a place to live. Hell, I don't even NEED my iPod, I think. Everything else I can borrow ... I have a library membership, I have access to bookshops, I have the computer ... WHICH DOESN'T WANT ME TO LISTEN TO MR CROWLEY APPARENTLY.

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Now playing: Ozzy Osbourne -NOT MISTER CROWLEY THAT'S FOR FUCKING SURE
via FoxyTunes

Galactica fanboyism - it's totally justified

I can't believe it's been a tenday since I wrote anything. To be fair I've been a little busy between work and school, but today I'm free. Just in time to fanboy out over Battlestar Galactica. Major last-night spoilage ahead.

For those who saw the episode last night, "Someone to Watch Over Me", you know this was simultaneously one of the best, most intense, most disturbing, and most ASLDJFALSKJDF (to use a computer curse) episodes of any television in ... ever. It was one of the most intense episodes of telly I've ever seen, plot-wise almost certainly. It was partly a Starbuck episode, one we've been waiting for since she found Char-buck on Erf (Yes, that's several fanon words but you'll have to get over it). Kara's drinking (big surprise) and she hears this guy incessantly playing a piano ... because he's composing. She goes over to help him because her father was a pianist and composer. In what we think is a one-off scene, she goes to Helo's place and gets a tape (cassette tape, yeah I know!) of one of her father's recordings, and Hera, AKA "Creepy Cybrid Kid" gives Kara a picture of what we think are stars. Later on, when Kara and the pianist, nicknamed "Slick", are working on the second movement, she remembers the stars drawing and puts it on a sheet of music. It works. They try it.

It's the Final Four theme - the "All Along the Watchtower" based theme music for the final four Cylons. 

Col. Tigh and Ellen are sitting at the bar, and Tigh's face is completely fucking priceless. He goes over and demands to know where Kara learnt that music, and 1) she says she played it as a kid and 2) she looks over at Slick, who is no longer there. Slick is her Head-Dad character. What the frak.

Meanwhile, the Cylons on the Fleet Baseship want to try Boomer, currently in Galactica's brig, for treason. Chief Tyrol, who used to be frakking Boomer before she shot Adama (christ, this is like a soap opera!) wants them to not try her and execute her. He replaces Boomer with some random innocent 8 and lets her go free. She uses his good will to beat the shit out of Athena, frak Helo (Athena's hubby) in front of her while she's locked in a cupboard, and kidnap Hera, drug her, put her in a box, and take off in a Raptor to take her back to Cavil, proving that she's a god damn piece of shit all along. 

All of it reads like a soap opera, certainly, except it wasn't like that. The one part that was VERY not like that was the "Boomer beating up Athena and frakking her husband" scene, which was very explicit albeit out of focus, and seriously fucking disturbing, because what we see IN focus is Athena, watching this other woman frakking her husband. The scene takes about a minute, and it's horribly painful to watch. What makes it worse is that Tyrol is an accessory to Boomer's kidnapping of Hera, because he actually helped her load the box into the Raptor, not to mention BREAKING HER OUT OF PRISON. 

This episode is by far the best example for why Galactica is one of the best god damn shows on television, dare I say ever. Every time you think something could go right, guess what, it not only goes wrong, but it goes more wrong than you ever imagined it could. Given one episode, anyone will get absolutely hooked on this show and be irretrievably attached to finding out WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING TO HAPPEN HOLY SHIT.

Businesses = idiots who want my money

Businesses must be, as a rule, run by retarded people.

Liz and I opened a joint bank account the other day. This has caused no end of problems, not one of which was our fucking fault. First, her direct deposit tried to go into her old bank account, which being closed, would not accept it. This is a similar situation to what happened with my direct deposit fuckup except slightly better except not, because the bank account in question 1) existed at some point and 2) belonged to the person who was getting the money.

The bank people claimed she would be able to access our account via her existing online banking username and password. We would have appreciated it if the bank people had been so kind as to inform us at that time that they were lying to us. She is currently only able to access the account using my password and name. This is not a problem apart from the fact that the bank people are dirty god damned liars who lie to people and don't tell the truth when they do it. Also, her debit card doesn't work, which we kind of figured would happen and we never even bothered to ask about.

Today, and this is where the complaint against dumbasses running businesses comes in, we sat down to figure out why our account had got so low. We looked at our online ledger which showed us no fewer than fifteen pending transactions. When we removed from consideration the deposits, there were thirteen pending transactions. Many of these transactions are from Thursday, when we went to Indianapolis, or Friday, when we were in town, or the weekend. Now I certainly know that banks don't do a god damn thing on the weekends, and they had, for some inexplicable reason, President's Day off. But the fact that since Thursday none of our transactions have gone through is not the fault of the banks.

This indeed has happened once before - to Liz when she was closing her personal bank account. She had a pending four dollar transaction on her card, which was at Chik-Fil-A, the famous mall crappy chicken "fast" "food" "restaurant". She hadn't used the card since the first day of that week, and the day we closed the account was either a Wednesday or a Thursday. Either way, they'd had three days to take their money. Apparently businesses aren't in any hurry to be paid for things, which is odd, because if you actually try the Wimpy approach ("I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today," from Popeye cartoons) they will laugh in your face and probably spit at you and call the police because there is a crazy person in their place of business and they don't have to put up with that.

And I thought debit cards removed the money from your account instantly, and credit cards chalked up a running tally for you to pay later. Maybe I need to redefine. Or they do.

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