Bumper stickers

My parents were never bumper sticker people, but I on the other hand, am very much one of those assholes who uses every possible medium to tell people what I think. In 2004, I had a John Kerry sticker on my car. This year, I have a "Bush's Third Term - McCain" sticker, and I'm waiting for another one from Moveon.org that I can't remember. But it's probably similar to the McSame thing.

Anyway, some of my favourite topics on bumper stickers are the nationalistic bullshit stickers that are so in vogue since 9/11. The ones with an American flag SOMEWHERE on them are the most common, and rather frequently they say something that caters exclusively to suburban white housewives, who are the only people concerned about this: "These colors don't run." No, but they apparently fade and wash out when faced with prolonged exposure to sunlight.

One I saw on the back of a truck on the way to Indianapolis was sort of long (but it's a truck, so he's got room). "These Colors Don't Run, I Support Our Troops, My Country, Right or Wrong, No Aid or Comfort to the Enemy ... No Way!" This sticker wins the prize not only for most long and convoluted bit of shit, but also for most cliches squeezed into a run-on sentence and most unnecessary last line. Really, do you need the "No way!"? I'm pretty sure "No aid or comfort to the enemy" gets across the point that you don't like "the enemy", who I can only assume refers to the Dark Lord Sauron.

There are several "American Soldier" stickers that the military issues in boxes of Trix. At least that's where I think they come from, because when people have four or five of the same sticker on one car, it's either overkill or they felt bad throwing the damn things away. If they really have that many American Soldiers in their family, why doesn't the military make up a bunch of "Member of an Army Family" or something similar stickers?

One I haven't seen in a while is "Charlton Heston is my president". I haven't seen it for longer than he's been dead, so that's not the reason. And I live in an area surrounded by farms, with significant amounts of Republican-voting Christian Right suburbs, so that's not the reason. Maybe they figure they don't need to advertise that they carry a gun with them wherever they go. Or maybe they intentionally don't advertise it in the hopes that someone will try to pick a fight with them and they'll get to use their gun for the first time outside a firing range. This is a major reason I try to keep a lid on any road rage.

Despite all those nationalistic cliche stickers, I do enjoy reading the things. I actually will speed up to read someone's bumper stickers. It's definitely something to do when I'm trying not to think about how I'm in a metal box travelling at terminal velocity along a poorly maintained piece of composite-rock, with lots of other people in similar situations, except THEY are too busy on their phones to pay attention to the guy in the next lane whose car isn't as large as theirs and doesn't know they're trying to merge because they didn't fucking indicate it, or indeed look.

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