Round and round and round they go

A friend linked me today to a story about Greenfield, Ind.'s mayor proposing four new roundabouts. To quote the webcomic "Questionable Content," I am in favour of this so much you have no idea.

You see, in my hometown of Evansville, Ind., we have an east side and a west side. These sides of town have developed their own segregated cultures due to the difficulty involved in crossing from one side to the other. There are only two roads. One is a six-lane divided highway (which shrinks to four lanes outside of city limits, but even so) and the other is a four-lane divided street that doubles as State Route 62. The latter is called Diamond Ave. within city limits, and is far too north of where I typically need to go. Thus, my only real option is the former, known within city limits as the Lloyd Expressway.

The Lloyd as it is known colloquially was named for an ex-mayor who was murdered by a woman who believed him to still be the mayor back in the early 1980s. The expressway was constructed in his memory (partly due to his involvement during his life and time in office, I believe). It runs from Warrick County to the east to Posey County to the west. All along its route are traffic lights approximately every half-mile to mile, apart from one two-and-a-half mile stretch of elevated highway. How, many have asked, including my father upon its construction in 1982, the hell is this a god damned "expressway"?

Matters only get worse, of course. In the mid 1990s, there was an extensive construction project known locally for its severe cock-ups. The project took over one thousand days to complete. Eventually, approximately ten years ago, the project was completed and all lanes of the Lloyd "Expressway" were open for traffic again, apart from minor construction issues that all roads face. This past year, two lanes (one each direction) were shut down and an off-ramp was constructed. The two lanes being shut down increased the amount of time it took to cross Fulton Ave. westbound, the location where all lanes reopened.

Come December, the eastbound route is still restricted to two lanes after Fulton until Wabash, then restricted again to two lanes upon leaving city limits (which causes one to wonder why the fuck they don't just cut it to two lanes for the time in between but never mind that for now), but the westbound route takes the newly-constructed off-ramp, stops at a newly-installed traffic light on South Fulton, goes to another traffic light at First Ave. (southbound), ANOTHER traffic light at First Ave. (northbound), then to an on-ramp and back onto the elevated highway portion of the Lloyd.

Now hypothetically they are removing the traffic light at Fulton Ave. and installing an on/off ramp system. This is something I approve of, however I would very much prefer if we didn't have to trade one traffic light for three in the mean time. If you can build an off-ramp, odds are you could also remove the need for three traffic lights and simply have a turn-in/turn-out space like other sections of the highway have. This would only limit it to two traffic lights at First Ave., but with a bit of effort they could be much better synchronised than they currently are. The ultimate up-side of this would be fewer people would think their city planners and road commissioners are stupid fucking assholes.

Or, we could replace half the traffic lights with roundabouts and let the stupid drivers die on them.

You fucking idiot

Dear fucknut:

Your username is a Spanish-language pun on "Backwards", and it's never been so appropriate: it perfectly describes your thinking on nearly everything. You actually said, in a discussion on Proposition 8 and homosexuality,

The backlash against Mormons is not about them being "interlopers" it is because Mormons are minority that it is politically correct to demonize.

Would this be a bad time to mention that Mormons are allowed to do damn near whatever they like? Mormons are not allowed to marry multiple people, certainly, but then again neither is anyone else. Gay marriage would work as an equaliser: Everyone can marry one person of legal age of their choice, regardless of race, religion or gender. But the Mormons don't want that. Could they be jealous because they can't marry the twelve people they want? Honestly, I don't have a huge problem with polygamy either, so after gay marriage, if the Mormons want to push for poly-marriage, I'd be happy to support that cause too. I'll be happy to be the bigger person and support those who have opposed and even demonised my friends and those I've championed. 

But currently, Mormons are the most persecuted group, or at least popular to be persecuted. Are they really? You really think so, Backwards? Let's go to Richmond, Calif. Richmond is on the East San Francisco Bay area, a few miles north of Oakland. You know, the same San Francisco Bay Area that is a central city of gay culture and liberal politics. There was a story in the news, not widely reported of course, because it was sort of a downer, that on 13 December, a woman was hit with a blunt object, forcibly stripped of her clothes, and gang-raped. She was left naked outside a burned-out apartment block (source: San Francisco Chronicle). She MUST have been a Mormon, right? Nope. She was an open lesbian. The crime is being investigated as a hate crime, probably because it WAS one. 

A google search of "mormon hate crime" turns up two or three stories from Arizona newspapers of a Mormon missionary getting beaten up by an unknown assailant who shouted "Mormon" at him, and the rest of the results on the first page are attacks on buildings, not people, certainly not RAPES, many of which post-Proposition 8. 

Now maybe I'm off-target on this, but I think rape is the most despicable thing a so-called human can do to another human (or non-human as the case may be, but let's stick to intra-species violation). Murder, assault, battery, emotional abuse, property damage, or dismemberment don't hold a candle in my view to rape. So the next time a Mormon missionary is kidnapped, mugged, and gang-raped, and the police treat it as if it MIGHT be a hate crime as opposed to an OBVIOUS hate crime, I'll admit that maybe Mormons are persecuted. As it is, anyone claiming Mormons as a minority "that it is politically correct to demonise" can go fuck themselves.

Dr Gupta (CNND) and the economy

I'm really not confident in this administration anymore. I expected to lose confidence in the person I elected, of course, but I really wished I'd be able to watch the inauguration in peace first. So, gays: you're not a priority, we'd rather involve someone who hates gay people ... yet who claims he doesn't hate gay people, doesn't fear gay people, rather that gay people fear Christ (he said it. Yup, he did.) and ... you know, I'm not sure I can write about the things this guy has said. Having a functional brain and a severe lack of cognitive dissonance, I can't even begin to see where his line of thinking begins, let alone where it connects to other things. 

Not only that, but now Sanjay Gupta, a CNN doctor, is proposed to be the next Surgeon General of the United States. Based on his previous opinions (a glance at his Wikipædia article comes to mind) this makes me very nervous. I am guessing (uneducated guess though it may be) that now health care, which you would have to be a fucking crackhead to say "it's in great shape", is not a priority either. What's next, are we going to say "Fuck the economy" too? "Americans don't need to have jobs" sound like a good policy? Granted it sure seemed like we were going to hear it sometime soon during the auto bailout hearings, which lasted two to three weeks (as opposed to the bank/Wall St bailouts which lasted ONE).

This leads me to something I really just don't understand: If people are losing jobs the world over ... who is buying the things these people make? Who is paying the people who still have jobs? Seriously, if the economy is going south, why do I see people coming into my job at the mall and buying things? I suppose, sure, if people don't keep buying things regardless of the state of the economy (Which is FAKE anyway) then the economy will get even worse(er) than it is. But isn't that just horrendously cyclical? It feels like we ought to be able to just start producing, people will start buying with all the money they're making producing all that stuff they're producing, which in turn will create MORE jobs, ad infinitum. 

Granted, I know fuck-all about economics, but that's where I am.

Picking nits and taking names

I worked arse-early this morning. I don't mind that, but somebody used a phrase I've heard before, and never really got. The phrase, a very common one, was "Kicking ass and taking names".

I honestly don't know what you need the names for. I was told by the person who said it that you need the names "For kickin' ass!" but that seems overly structured. I've never seen kickin' ass as an orderly, organised activity. It seems more to me like an activity engaged in at the last second, and with no particular order to it. For example, if one is kickin' ass, and someone is there, guess what? There's going to be a foot-ass connection. You don't need to make a list! Just kick ass! This isn't the fucking census!

This got me thinking about what other phrases confer a status of organisation upon a naturally rowdy or disorganised behaviour? Is a demolition derby a structured event? Do jazz and blues players plan out exactly what notes they play, or do they do what feels and sounds right? Did Randy Rhoads write his guitar solos down? Do improv comedians (not the ones on such programmes as "Whose Line", but ones in clubs) plan their entire routine? NO, IT'S IMPROV. You're supposed to IMPROVISE.

I really don't get the "taking names" bit. I would prefer to "Kick this ass, kick that ass, I'll KICK THE ASS OF ANYTHING THAT MOVES!" This isn't to say everything should be unstructured. But kicking ass bank-teller style doesn't really work as a mental image. Kicking ass Dentist-style makes me think people's fears of going to the dentist are well-founded. Kicking ass screenwriter-style reminds me of anything Michael Bay has ever done, as opposed to The Godfather. Activities like kicking ass should be free-verse as opposed to iambic pentameter.

Unless Shakespeare has some as-yet-undiscovered battle raps lying about somewhere in Stratford.

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Now playing: Ozzy Osbourne - Trap Door (Album Version)
via FoxyTunes

IQ tests for drivers!

Well, Mirta hates cats. It's official. So no new cat for us. However, with no god as my witness, I shall NOT let this deter my quest for a cheapass refurbished Xbox 360! Plus the boyfriend of the person whose cat we were hoping to take was playing Gears of War at the time we were over. And apparently all the time else. End Livejournally content, back to the writing part.

I remembered at the last minute today I was supposed to go to the library for PCMN movies. I pulled up behind a car on the way out of the lot, followed them in a right turn onto the main road, and stopped as they came to an inexplicable full stop no more than 15 feet from the exit. At first I thought maybe they were turning into the gym opposite, but they didn't have their indicator on and they didn't, well, turn. I began to reach for the horn when they remembered that they were ON A PUBLIC FUCKING STREET and drove off.

I really don't understand how people can come to a complete goddamn stop on a public, busy road without a living being in front of their car. Exactly what is it you are stopping for, idiot? Did you get lost? If so, there are SIX PARKING LOTS very near your current location! Pull into one and figure it out there, but the street is not the place for it!

My first thought was, "I wish I didn't have to drive places so I wouldn't have to put up with stupid shit like this," but then I remembered: I deal with this every time I walk into a place with a doorway. Maybe it's a Southern Bumfuck Indiana thing, but people love to stop and talk/read their receipts/put their money away/make sure the cashier didn't eat their clothes/dial their idiot box (a phrase that used to mean television, but I'm co-opting it for mobile phones). I don't think a doorway is the most useful place to do ... anything, really, except for WALKING. Maybe it's evolved to the point that these dumb motherfuckers actually think that roads are for dialing your phone/checking your bags/fucking with your wallet/reading/chit-chatting. If that's the case, I look forward to the mass deaths sure to follow and the return of Homo Sapiens Sapiens to the process of evolution by natural selection.

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Now playing: The Pirate Planet
via FoxyTunes

meandering thoughts

Tomorrow, we're going over to a friend's apartment to look at a cat. Liz has been wanting to get a second cat since before we got Mirta a year and a half ago almost, but only now could we afford it (kind of). If Mirta and Monster (tentatively named Milo, or possibly something else) get on, we'll have a black cat with green eyes in addition to our half-siamese bratcat. Monster was abandoned at our friend's church and she took him home, fed him so he isn't malnourished anymore, and then her cat stopped crapping in the sand in protest. Hopefully, Mirta won't react the same way. Since we'd be getting MiloMonster for free (no adoption fee, already neutered, all shots) I told Liz that if we get another cat, she has to get me (or go in with me on) an Xbox 360. I will FINALLY PLAY GEARS OF WAR AND MASS EFFECT!

In other news, this evening (or noon depending on your global location) BBC Wales announced the actor who will be filling David Tennant's Chuck Taylors in 2010 as The Doctor (Who). Liz found out during the hour before she had to go into work today and complained about it because he has a super-emo-twat haircut at the moment. I honestly hope it's for a role and not his normal hair, or hair that he'll be wearing on set. Anyway, his name is Matt Smith, and at 26 he's the youngest Doctor ever. From the small clips they jammed into the Doctor Who Confidential they used to announce him, he seems quite an amazing actor, and I'm looking forward to what he'll be doing with the role. Liz relented and said she'd give him a chance on the condition that he doesn't look like the Doctor suddenly started to listen to Fall Out Boy and cut his hair like a goddamn moron in Hot Topic (my words, but I'm sure she'd second them).

Finally, (god, I've got to learn to tie this shit together) I've managed to coax my MacBook into ripping DVDs for completely legal fair-use backups again. The only part of the problem remains I don't have an AppleTV, but if I'm getting an Xbox 360 it should work largely the same way. I celebrated by finally backing up my copy of Old School, which is perfect for iPod use, as I somehow got the "full" screen version. I don't mind too much though, since it's not like Old School is a massive cinematic achievement that I bought for its intelligence, grand use of 1.85:1 ratio and Kubrickian Steadicam shots.

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Now playing: The Onion - Roomba Continues Gathering Evidence Against Human Captor
via FoxyTunes

I'm a retard

I lost my phone at some point yesterday.

For years now I've seen people making facebook events called "I lost my phone, give me your phone numbers", and I've always thought, "how the hell do you lose your phone?! Well, now I know. Actually, I don't know because I still don't know where or how I lost the fucking thing. I know I got a call from my parents from outside my flat. I know I was sitting in my chair when I got it, and I know I hung up and got my coat on. I don't know where the fucking thing WENT! I was pretty sure I put it in my pocket, like I do every time I leave the apartment.

Editor's note: I'm a fucking retard. I looked just past my knee and saw the phone underneath a pillow on the sofa. It's been here the whole fucking time. Seriously though, I NEVER put it on the sofa for this very reason!

Guh. It's this side of myself I hate. This part of me has locked my keys in my car multiple times. How the hell stupid can I be?! I ... bollocksing shite!

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Now playing: Black Sabbath - Sweet leaf
via FoxyTunes

iTunes-related OCD

I'm not really sure what gets into me sometimes. Every so often I will be in an excessively weird mood. I just finished organising, collectivising, and Album-artworking my iTunes library.

Yes, iTunes automatically organises tracks and downloads album artwork, but I listen to enough slightly obscure stuff that iTunes doesn't know where to find the artwork. Not to mention tracks I get from friends, from mix tapes, improperly labelled tracks, and really old random techno music from my first year in university, when I downloaded most things that popped up when I searched "techno" (half of that shit has never been properly labelled).

So anyway, I was organising, artworking, etc. I have no idea what causes me to do this. Is it because I just ripped a Black Sabbath album and it couldn't find the artwork? That makes sense; I had to go find it anyway, so I might as well keep wiki-searching and GISing all the other stuff. But that's not it, because when I put the entire Star Wars Trilogy of NPR dramas, I didn't think to properly title the tracks or relabel each disc so I only had one bit of artwork for the whole thing (instead of Star Wars The Radio Drama 1, it would be Star Wars The Radio Drama). (This blog is shaping up to be exciting as fuck this year, innit?) For Talib Kweli's Beautiful Struggle I got it from a friend, and some of the tracks weren't titled, and it took me six months to title them.

I guess I get into organisational moods, rather than being organised all the time. This makes me wonder if my New Year's Resolution to save receipts that could conceivably be work- or school-related so as to tax-deduct them will amount to anything past this weekend? I mean, I manage to let the dishes pile up in the sink until there aren't any cups and I want a glass of milk, I let the dustbin overflow until I have more than one aluminium can to throw away, and let's not even talk about the state of the floors in my flat. But every couple of weeks (sometimes once a month, it depends) I will go NUTS with cleaning.

This could be why I never gave a shit at Best Buy. When we were slow, they had us dust whatever surface we could find. We were occasionally so slow we had to dust the pegs upon which things hung. PEGS! Things that have next to no surface area on which dust can collect! And yet, we were supposed to dust them. I never got into it. I always half-assed the job, even after having to do it every day one week. I just didn't give a shit. Meanwhile, at my current job, I'll pile up returns on the small counter space until I can't put anything else there, and then when I get a free moment, I'll move that shit to where it belongs.

I'm not sure how it works, but maybe it has to do with it being on my computer. I flip out if I can't permanently delete things. I'm constantly trying to keep my hard disk more than 50 GB free. The only cleaning items I buy and use reliably are monitor wipes and canned air.

Or it could be that Liz was playing the second most boring bit of KOTOR II again and I needed something to occupy my fingers and brain.

The New Year

Well, we've spent the first nearly three hours talking about how stupid our families are, boob pains, and general redneckery. Oh, and getting people we know laid. In the words of Death Cab for Cutie, "So this is the new year".

I don't know, I've never felt what the big deal was on New Year's Eve. The only time I gave a shit was on NYE 1999, when every fucking country had a big-ass fireworks display. They ... well, they planned to light the Thames on fire, anyway. This year, what did they do? They brought back Dick York ... no, Dick Clark! from retirement/stroke. He did well I thought, for the two minutes of his show I watched.

Regarding restaurants on busy restaurant nights ... Something like ten years ago Red Lobster stopped accepting reservations or call-ahead seating. I went in tonight and immediately concluded that it was the stupidest fucking decision they've ever made, upon learning the wait was 90 minutes. We went directly to the Acropolis afterward and got in within 30 minutes - and reservations were an option too! This may be an insufficient sampling size but I think having the option for reservations just might HELP.

As a final weird atonal note, I plan to write a hell of a lot more on here. I started earlier than the first of the year to ensure I get more into the flow of writing. I had the problem of not wanting to write some days last semester, and really all last year, and I'm going to do what I can to combat that, namely by writing whatever horrid bullshit pops into my head each day.

Happy new year, small amount of people who actually read this!

A letter to Apple

Dear Apple: What the fuck, guys?!

I greatly enjoy your products. I have an iPod, a MacBook, and I want pretty much everything else. However, if my MacBook is anything to go by, I ought to make sure I have a shitload more money than I do before I even think about buying anything else.

You see, Apple, most of my Apple products ... nay, ALL of them, have cracks in them at this point. My iPod has cracks along the right side of the screen, like so:


This was tolerable for some time, as I have a habit of keeping my iPod inside a third party case (I have three). But then, sometime in the fall of 2008, I began to notice cracks appearing in the wrist-rest areas of my MacBook. Eventually, they became detached from one end and started poking me in the wrist, leading me to just remove the goddamn things, like so:


These were annoying but again, somewhat tolerable. I took to canned air-spraying my computer on a more regular basis just in case something got in through these new openings. But then, today, this happened:


What the fuck, Apple? What the fuck?

I'll be visiting one of your stores to see if I can get a "Genius" to recommend a course of action. I'm under AppleCare, so you motherfuckers really better do something. Srsly, I don't want this MacBook to end up like my old Vaio:


Fix my goddamn computer,

Matthew Wolber ("Lestack")

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Now playing: De La Soul - The Mack Daddy On The Left
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