Spring is around the corner ... no it frakking isn't, that's ridiculous. Spring is around the corner in the clothing retail world, where I work. Actual spring, however, is still a few months off. But since clothing retailers have to stay ahead of the curve so that people have their spring outfits all ready to wear in the spring (when they go shopping for summer outfits), spring clothes are in stores now, including the shittiest clothing invention of history: the polo shirt.
I wore polo shirts nearly every day for nine years in school, having gone to a Catholic school with those awful not-fetishy-at-all uniforms. As such, I think I can speak with some authority on this topic. Polo shirts are uncomfortable. Universally so. I have never seen, worn, or touched a polo shirt that didn't feel rough and coarse on my skin. Considering I'm intended to wear such a thing, coarse and rough (like sand el oh el star wars) is a bad idea. I prefer to wear clothing that is comfortable, not too tight, and made of fabrics that don't cause itching. Polos fail on nearly every one of those standards. It isn't like they make up for it in appearance. If polos made the ugliest person look like a sex god(dess) I would be able to ignore the awful construction. But no polo ever worn by a human has ever improved anything. They make the wearer look like a complete twat.
I have to wonder what kind of person would've made polos in the first place. The only answer I come up with is golfers. Golfers already look like fucking morons. They're hitting a small ball with a small stick 300 yards to a tiny hole that you can't even see unless you mark it with a flag. Depending on where you are when you do all this stupid shit, you'll be sweating buckets and unable to use a small electric car to get you from where you hit your ball to where the goddamn thing landed (hint: it won't be near that hole with the flag in).
But apparently whacking a miniscule ball all over the place doesn't make a person look stupid ENOUGH! No, this is the only sport in which the player wears khakis and a collared shirt. Button down shirts, the only collared shirts that don't look idiotic (by default) aren't the ones though, no, there's a special shirt, for those who can't bother to use ALL the buttons, but just a couple ones at the top. And it won't even be crafted well. We'll make it using the roughest spare fabric we can find, and we'll put it together so loosely you'll think it's mesh. The bonus of it being so loose is the first time you wash it (or step out into humid atmosphere) it shrinks three sizes, so you look like an even bigger douchebag!
Never in my life were polo shirts remotely popular until the past few years. That's when rappers started wearing them and popping the collars. Like many things rappers do, this caused even more people to look retarded. I hadn't thought the polo could look worse on someone than it did on everyone I went to school with until I saw motherfuckers popping their collars. Most of the people I've known throughout my life have been rich white kids, and when rich white kids dress like rappers, it only makes me wish they'd find themselves in the ghetto being shot at. Hell, when people wear polo shirts with popped collars it makes me wish they'd get shot at.
I think the time has come to remove the polo shirt from the clothing lineup. It does nothing for the wearer, it hurts the eye of the people who have to look at the wearer, and it doesn't even meet the basic clothing function requirements of keeping one warm or keeping one dry. Please, if you claim to have fashion sense, don't wear polo shirts.
