THOR review

This summer is going to be expensive.

I usually can count on that based on it being summer, or based on having to drive ... anywhere, but this is especially true of 2011. Why?

Marvel bloody comics.

Ever since I was a kid, I really liked Marvel stories, especially their superheroes. I don't know if it was because they were located in real places, better written than any given Superman story, hadn't been run into the ground by half a dozen bad TV shows and two good ones like DC, or because Wolverine was a badass and Spider-man was a smartass. The fact remains, I loved Marvel. While I always held a spot in my heart for Batman, being the least lame DC hero, Marvel's always been better to me.

Well this summer should be a Marvel Fangasm. We have THOR, CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER, and X-MEN: FIRST CLASS. There are other nerd-originating movies coming out, but those are for another time, when I fully decide if I want to move into the groundbreaking and original realm of movie critiques. THOR and CAPTAIN AMERICA are both lead-ins to the upcoming THE AVENGERS movie, which has been in the works since IRON MAN. I'm not familiar with either one of those comic books, really, having been more of an X-Men fan, followed by not-much-of-a-comic-book-reader. So I can't compare, but I'm more of a judge-movies-as-movies person.

THOR came out at the beginning of May, which means I waited two weeks to see it. I heard plenty of criticism of it early after its release, but I'm fairly sure I don't give a monkey's about that. Frankly, THOR does a good job of telling a Thor semi-origin story and linking it to the upcoming AVENGERS film.

How should I do this? Hmm, why not a list. I know I like to jump right to the part I care about when I read reviews, so why the heck not?

• Odin One-Eye: Sir Anthony Hopkins. I'd be an idiot to say Hopkins did a bad job with something. If he's not been good in a role, I haven't seen it. I wasn't really expecting the understated approach from a bloody Norse God, but given that he had to be conveniently in the Odinsleep for most of the movie, it worked. Nonetheless, I want to see BRIAN BLESSED play Odin Allfather at some point. The epic ... it burns.
• Loki Lie-Smith: Tom Hiddleston. I have never heard of this actor before, but he has worked with Director Kenneth Branagh a few times, and after his masterful approach to Loki, I can see why. Hiddleston made me feel like Loki believed the lies he told, which is sort of crucial when you're pretending to be someone lying to someone else. In the beginning, he also convinced me that he was Thor's younger brother, stuck in the shadows their whole lives. This was told to us, naturally, but Hiddleston's performance drove it home.
• Some Mortal Chick (Jane): Natalie Portman. I haven't had a complaint about Natalie Portman's acting since Star Wars, and I'm happy to see that trend continuing. Having heard her laugh at the Oscars, I'm sure she drew on her inner awkard girl for so many early scenes with Thor. Also, I was very glad to not see her as a damsel in distress, because it's 2011, people.
• Stan Lee's Cameo: Yeah, it's there. It's goofy. It doesn't distract too much from the film, and nobody mistakes him for Hefner. Really, Tony? 
• Effects: What can I say about effects anymore? They're CGI but really good? Come on, you have to be a really low budget flick to not have good CGI anymore. They give away good CGI work in boxes of cereal. I did think to myself that as they were preparing to use the Bifröst, they should've shot that practically, with a bunch of Tesla coils. Maybe that's just because I like Tesla coils.
• Direction: Kenneth Branagh, you are very good. I would say you're awesome, but you really annoyed me with all those 30 degree camera angles you used throughout the movie. I'm okay with using that now and then, but sparingly, please; preferably when something screwed up has just happened, or someone woke up from being hit on the head. In this movie, none of the slanted scenes were those situations, and it actually got noticeable.

But of course, the real test is the eponymous Thor. Played by Chris Hemsworth, which I keep wanting to type as Heimdall, Thor is completely believable as a character and as a spoiled brat of a stormgod. He has surprisingly good chemistry with Portman and you could almost believe they fall in love, despite knowing each other for two days in typical Hollywood fashion. By the way, can we do something about that? Maybe have people who haven't just run each other over with their cars fall in love? An actual basis for a love story? I know, it's a superhero movie, that isn't the point. I'm just throwing it out there.


I won't go into the problems that hardcore comic book geeks will have. This is in part because it's pointless to bother with addressing such things, and also because I don't know what they are. Again, I know almost nothing about the Marvel source material. So is THOR the best movie I've seen this year? Probably not. Is it a great precursor to what I hope will be a firestorm of kickassness that is THE AVENGERS? Oh yeah.

Guilt by association: Why I support the "ID Everyone for Liquor" law

Hah, as always, I lied when I said "I'll be updating more often."

As a cashier in an Indiana supermarket that sells alcohol, I am reasonably aware of the current state of Indiana liquor laws. The basics include: 

• No sales between 3 a.m. and 6 a.m.
• No sales on Sundays
• You can only buy 2 24-packs (or equivalent) of beer, three giant jugs (or equivalent) of wine, and no limit on hard liquor.
• Every person wishing to buy alcohol must show photo ID unless Amish (photo-exempt ID for the horse-and-buggy crowd).

Now obviously, these laws are all kind of stupid. The one that isn't completely stupid has a very large stupid loophole. However the only one anyone bitches about is the one that is always in effect, no matter the time and no matter how much alcohol you want: the ID law.

The law was passed to prevent underage people attempting to buy alcohol at places with lax store rules. A lot of places had rules where if you looked like you were under 40 you got carded, but apparently enough got through that they decided to make it so everyone gets carded. 

Naturally, the people who are most pissed off are the super-old. I've been complained to about that law more than I ever thought I would. Seriously, assholes, I get paid $7.80 per hour. If I could do that without the extra effort and time of carding everyone with a mini-bottle of wine, I would. I am not the person to complain to about this. Or anything.

Since the new year, old people have taken up saying, "I thought they changed that law!" It takes an experienced mind to analyse this particular bit of bullshit, and I've had more than enough time (six seconds) to do it. What they mean to say is, "I read in a newspaper once that someone proposed changing the law because they were rich or powerful and were mildly inconvenienced by it and couldn't get past it with, 'do you know who I am?!' so they proposed changing the law." This is a far fucking cry from "changed that law".


Now, someone did propose changing that law. One state rep from my area said he was carded when all he wanted was change for a dollar in a liquor store. In the interest of being absolutely clear, I will not mince words:


That's not true. This man is lying or an idiot. Which one? Doesn't matter, the result is the same.

If you need change for a dollar, you go into the first store you see. If it's a liquor store, you think, "Eh, what's the next store?" and go to that. Furthermore, since I've been a child, the law has been everyone gets IDed upon entering a liquor store, and if they're under 21 they can't enter at all.


But I digress. The last news story that turns up in a Google search for "indiana repeal liquor id" is from 19 Feb, and it's about liquor store owners largely opposing the repeal. Before that, it's 4 Feb, a story about the House passing the bill. The Senate hasn't done shit about it. 


But all this information is irrelevant, because at my store, we have to ID everyone regardless of state law. I am really desperate to just blurt out "nope, wrong" when they mention the law changing. I'm starting to enjoy carding people, just because they don't like getting out their IDs. And upon reading the "liquor store owners oppose repeal" story and learning that under-21s have mostly stopped trying to buy alcohol, I'm way more in favour of this law than nearly any other.